Week 2: This proves that it’s all my Manager’s fault

I had a bit of a meltdown this week.

Firstly – Monday was my first monitoring checkup with my pharmacist, and he’s pleased with how it’s been rolling. Apparently i’m losing at a slightly faster rate than average, which is all very nice. My water retention and soluble fat mass are dropping but my muscles have not deteriorated at all. So : great. The honey crackle did not undo me.

I mentioned that endless chicken was killing me and he suggested I have eggs instead sometimes and by god I will. You know what has very few calories or fat or anything in it? Peri Peri sauce. This changes everything! (Unless you’re watching your salt intake, in which case: nein)

So things started out good, and my walk home was jaunty. Then Tuesday at work was rough. I’m really overstretched at the moment and recently booked tickets to hong kong in january – then got told by my manager that my assistant and I were currently overlapping two days and one of us would have to change our holiday days. I wanted to cry, but kept it together. Until I ate a bag of kinder chocolates. Turns out my body is not into this kinda thing no more and I then threw it all back up (I’m at home at this stage. No witness but concerned cats).

So then I am a useless pile of crap who broke a pretty substantial good run by having no self control. I didn’t have dinner and cried a bit while I played Divinity.

The Chocolate Incident didn’t undo anything. I was another .7 down the morning after. But I am miserable, and I am very, very self pitying. The sheer scale of what needs to happen is sitting on me a bit.

I bought flavored Crustinis instead of Grissinis by accident and then by accident ate half a box accidentally. Fate is cruel.

What went wrong:

1. The Chocolate Incident. Let us never speak of this again.
2. Still doing flat whites. I got tsked at.
3. Sometimes the suppressants work a bit TOO well. Last friday I forgot to have dinner, then forgot to have lunch the next day. Not recommended or smart.
4. I confessed to using olive oil for cooking, and was advised to switch to a coconut oil spray. Smells very odd when cooking but doesn’t change any of the taste, which is a pleasant surprise. Coconut oil, guys, it’s the best.
5. I attended a conference that was intensely catered. There was a chocolate slice and some apple juice. There was no clear physical backlash so I think I dodged a bullet, but still – bad form from me.
6. Thursday was a really rough workday. There were tears. My colleague and I retreated to the local bar to lick our wounds and also have one of these. Honestly? I don’t regret this. My need was great.

How I feel:

1. The headaches have passed. The teethgrinding/jawclenching has amped up.
2. The sleep has settled a bit. I’ve toned back some of the not-as-compulsory drugs and it’s allowing me to sleep better. I also feel better when I wake up.
3. My temper is shorter. Or more accurately: I actually HAVE a temper now. Considering that anger is essentially sadness with energy, is this indicative of an improved energy level? Here’s hoping, but the kitchen cabinet I kicked is not sharing my enthusiasm.
4. I’ve also been using the Calm app to do some short mindfulness+meditation exercises. It’s a really nice interface and pleasant to use and I do think it’s helped.
5. The fact that my body has lost it’s ability to binge on chocolate is startling. I suppose that’s good? I feel an odd sense of loss. Unsure if I consented to this.

Because of the many dietary failures listed above, the weight loss continued but more slowly. In some ways that’s a relief, because it means it’s not as unforgiving as I’d assumed. It’s not great overall because the medication regime is essentially 6-weeks worth and shifting weight will be harder without chemical backup, but still…?

I’m going to start doing some yoga to ease myself back into exercising, and I’m finding the Yoga by Adriene channel very appealing. Has anyone used this one, or have a different yoga channel they’d recommend? The secondary challenge is finding enough floorspace to make this work.

So in total I’m just over 5 kgs down at this point. Or the total weight of one of my cats.